Turning twenty

So the day has finally dawned, the ever foreboding, increasingly immediate and somewhat unwanted end to my second decade of existance. 20. I feel old. Just minutes ago I was just a teenager, still excusable and naïve, now with the addition of one year I am suddenly called to manhood. Yet the unavoidable truth is that I have been living in manhood for the past two years behind this 'teenager' fasade which means absolutely nothing in principle but so much in practice. The popular phrase among friends has become that they are turning twenteen, but this surly is just prolonging the unfortunate and unwavering truth that we all have to grow up. One part of me is filled with guilt at the thought of how many countless hours I wasted over the last ten years when I could have achieved so much. The other is excited about the boundless prospects of my future, not tied down, unsure of what I would like to achieve but enthrawled by this fact rather than scared.
Self application has never been my strongest atribute and one which I regret not applying more regularly. When not good at application, applying further self application can be, and has been an issue. This is something I seek to change. Having spent the last 19 years of my life crusing I intend like so many years gone by to break the cycle. Is this just another lie to myself? I hope not and will feel utterly ashamed if after a further ten years this is not an area that has seen at least some improvement. I seek to excel, to use everything god has given me to the best of my ability, but not necessarily be 'the best'. Time has taught me that there are more people on this earth than we can truely imagine. This means that there is a large chance that there is always someone better than you, and if not, then there is a youngster who is growing up who will overtake you in your field and claim your place. Surely being the best you can be is best you can do.
The possibilities of life are endless, and I stand at the pinacle of choice, yet I am spoilt by this position which in a further 10 years I may acutley miss. The truth is I have no real ambition for one particular thing other then to marry the person I love and live life together.  The details of what exactly that entails are scetchy, but of marraige I am sure. So what of the rest? Am I to be rich or poor, respected or rejected, loved or hated, or just some mediocre point inbetween them all.
I have 20 years of wisdom to my name, yet I feel I know nothing much. I am lucky enough to have known and live with love, from family and from a lover, with whom I am very much in love. But what of knowledge? I have completed my first year at university and feel to some degree less intelligent then when I started. Having only attended 10% (at  a stretch) of my lectures it was not until the year had ended that I realised I am actually paying for every single class. Missing a few is fine but 90% is just finacially irresponsible. I thought studying economics is supposed to make you more prudent. Well hopefully the fact that I am paying several thousands of pounds a year which is being very thoughtfully bound up into a huge debt pile to the government by my bank will be sobering enough for at least 50% attendence this year. Hopefully.